The End and the Beginning

Eagerly and reluctantly, I stepped on the scale as I had every weekday for almost two years, anxious about what I'd see. Butterflies tumbled in my stomach although I’d weighed myself at home less than an hour ago. But there it was – the number I had eagerly anticipated. MY GOAL WEIGHT! I had finally lost 100 pounds. March 22, 2011 it was OFFICIAL.

For weeks, daydreaming as I drove to my exercise bootcamp I thought about what I would do when I saw THE NUMBER. Dance around the studio. Turn cartwheels. Shout for joy. I entertained visions of confetti falling from the ceiling, the victory lap; I heard the roar of the crowd. Instead, I covered my mouth, took a deep breath in disbelief, looked a second time and quietly told my trainer “we did it.” Now I was really scared. I was no longer reaching for a goal, now I had to hold on to it. Tightly. For the rest of my life.

This is the beginning of my blog and my journey. Whether I can keep it up for the rest of my life is a good question about the blog and the weight maintenance.  This blog is a strategy for accountability. I also need an outlet so I don't drive my husband crazy talking about my angst. I don’t intend for the blog to be lifelong, I hope my husband is. Maybe someday weight maintenance will just be normal life, I will find my utopia. My own equilibrium. But right now I need to report to the ether. 

My new mileposts are not the exciting ones: breaking 200 pounds, stopping medications, wearing regular sized clothes; events rewarded by exclamations from acquaintances, compliments, my doctor’s happy dance. My new mileposts are ordinary  – today I managed to keep my weight in control.